Excerpt – Chapter 2
Being in the Christian faith for two years before my son was born, I recognized that having a spiritual foundation between parent and child was important. Like God loved me, I too loved my son. As a result, I talked to him from birth about God. Some may say that he was too young to know any difference, but I believe otherwise. Children come into the world like empty vessels and it is our duty to instill good in them, as much as possible. Thus, I believed a parent had to start early to deposit positive and heavenly things into the child’s soul. Although I was imperfect, my heart’s desire was to do the best I could do for my child, morally and spiritually. I became intentional about life choices.
As I glimpsed the future, I realized there were things I had to consider as a mother, such as “How are we going to survive?” “How am I going to get off of welfare?” “How do I make a home with just my son and me?” “Will I ever complete college and get a good job?” “Can I still follow my dreams?” “How can I make life better for us?” “How can I now exist and carry on in life with a child when I have not learned to exist without one?”
It was time for a reality check. In order to give my son what he needed I had to evaluate and work on myself. A lot of things were missing that I needed to build a strong sense of being and belonging, things that could build my self-worth and things that could make our lives better. I did not have the education I desired. I did not have a job. I did not have a home that my son and I could call our own. I did not have the financial stability that was needed. I had to change my life for the better, for myself and my child..
As I listened while sitting in the pew, God became very personal to me. In some ways, it was as if God and I were the only ones in the church. I was on Mount Sinai. God spoke to me and I listened to God’s voice. God made me laugh, cry, smile, dance and pause. The pause lasted the longest. God captured my being in a way I couldn’t articulate. God engraved commands on my heart that dealt with my personal life. God played with my mind. I saw images, visions, hopes and possibilities. After a while, I began to ask, “God, how do I do it? How do I get to the images, visions and possibilities you have shown me?” As time went on, God unfolded parts of His plan for my life.